Is it bad to have a 3 year grudge against your ex boyfriend?

3 years ago i was with my First love and at first our relationship was great until my first year of high school.And then one of my so called friends got him to cheat on me with her and then i ended it between us.But then some rumors went around about him sayin he was gay and i defended him until that ended then we got back together.A few months later I told him that I was preg and he was supportive about it at first then one day i got into a fight with the girl he cheated on me wit and lost the baby.Well months later i said it was a possibility that i could be preg again and (i was) then he started hittin me in my stomach and had me on the ground and had his knees on my stomach and started bouncin.Well finally I broke up with him for good cause i didn't want to have anymore and he couldn't respect that so he went back to the girlfriend he was with before me.Then months later i found out that she was preg and he let her keep there baby.And now i have alot of flash back and it just makes me feel that i wasn't good enouf for him but then whole school said that im the best lookin girl he's ever been with and i just have so much anger that i have thoughts of havin her go through was i had go go through.